i did my best; it wasn't much

But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah


those are lines from leonard cohen's hallelujah, of course. and what made me think of it was that i heard it on the radio tonight. the kd lang version and also an israeli singer's version.

but truly there is no version like leonard singing it himself.

this music with these lyrics and that voice- exquisite.

"Now I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah"

and i think it's a rare person who doesn't think this is one of the best song's ever. because it really is.

but here's the thing- of all the people i know in the world or have even met in the world- it's quite likely that i can count exactly 4 who have ever even heard of the song.

i suppose i know all the wrong people. i don't know. but it seems peculiar to me that there are few songs that speak so perfectly of being human, yet most the humans i know have never heard it.

and i suppose i'd ruin the song for myself if i ever read the critical interpretations of the lyrics. i'm sure they'd all probably say i have it all wrong- but here's what i think the song's about-

that life sucks and thank heavens or something else inexplicable for it.

that's how i see life anyway. that it sucks, but somehow i've again worked myself around to being awfully glad to be alive.

"I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though
It all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah"

Pieceful

here's something you didn't know about me.

it's that i love to do jigsaw puzzles.

yes, those old fashioned, boring, tedious, mind-numbing, addictive jigsaw puzzles.

and here's what's funny. i've always loved doing them, but i very seldom do them. i don't even think i had very many of them around when the kids were growing up. i guess because there never seemed like their was any leisure time back then.

But you'd have thought that when the kids dumped me for their own lives, i would have gone straight to the dollar store to pick up a bunch of them. and had one going at all times.

and you would have thought when the so-called great guy dumped me, i'd have gone on a puzzle bender.

but you know what? i didn't. once in awhile at christmas i'd get this old christmas one out. but that was mostly it.

and i don't know why. just never occurred to me, i guess.

but all the sudden about three weeks ago, i was walking past them at the target. and i thought, "hmm."

and so now i've got one going on my dining room table. and here's what it is. it's soothing.

it's soothing and settling. and calming. and cozy. and it's always waiting for me when i come back from where-ever i go. it's constant. but not in an annoying way.

and you know why, i think? because it's something you can concentrate on but it's not hard. and it's something that you know that you'll have success at. there's no time limit, no buzzers, no bells, no nail-biting moments, no anxious, nervous fears, and you know darn well in the end that you're going to win.

it's everything that the real world is not.

so here's what i think would be a great business. a puzzle pub/bar. where you could go and order a bottle of wine or beer if you can stomach the stuff and sit with strangers (and only strangers- you couldn't bring friends and if you did, they'd have to sit at other tables) and do puzzles together.

don't you think that sounds very cool? i'd go there everyday. right after work. of course somedays i'd drink tea or apple cider or ginger ale or something. because the main thing would be the puzzles.

i think if i started one of these bars, i'd call it "Pieces." Just so people could say, "i'm going to pieces."