the pumpkin of shame

so, i just took a survey as part of a study. and basically, my results were that i have next to no morals. (-: ok. i have some morals, but i seem to have little respect for conventions or conventional authority. at the same time, i seem to favor fairness.

all the same, for no reason last night, i stole a pumpkin. in my defense, i did not steal it for myself. i stole it for a friend. and probably because i'd had a bit of wine in me. and my friend said "i'd really like to have one of those pumpkins." and my thought was "there are a whole bunch of pumpkins here, and they won't miss just one.

and today, i am really ashamed of myself. perhaps more so, because i actually ended up with the pumpkin, and it now sits on my patio. it's the pumpkin of shame. because really, i won't even steal a pen or a paperclip from work. and generally, i won't tell a lie even to get myself out of trouble. if i found a wallet on the street with a fortune it, i'd turn it in somewhere without taking a dime. that's who i am. but last night, i stole a pumpkin. shame on me.

i like it all the same. it's very orange and round.

oh and if you are wondering how i ended up with the pumpkin- here's the story. when my friend said "i'd really like to have one of those pumpkins" unbeknownst to me, one of our other friends also picked up a pumpkin for her. when we got to the car, we discovered we had two. and rather than walk the quarter mile back to where we took them to return the extra pumpkin, we laughed, and then we kept them both. and i was bestowed with the secondary pumpkin.

the pumpkin of shame.

what's wrong with me?

i had three things i could have done tonight. three different things.

but i decided i didn't want to do any of them. so i stayed home.

now i realize that tomorrow i have several things to do that i am committed to. and perhaps that seemed enough to me. but is there something wrong with me that i'd just as soon stay home and do nothing?

i realize that as a grown up i have the right to do or not do whatever i please, but i worry about myself, that i'd rather just do nothing sometimes. or i guess most of the time.

here i sit in a middling sized city chock full of things to do and people to hang with- and yet, i'd rather be home? by myself? am i a hermit?

hell is other people

ain't that the truth?

actually, it isn't. there are some really nice good people in the world. that i like. but then, there are so very many that i wouldn't be unhappy if they wandered over the edge of something and were never heard from again.

the republicans come to mind.

and then there are the people that i actually know that i wish would choke on something.

strange but true

when i was a kid, i had to get braces. and when i'd go to the orthodontist, i'd always have to wait around in the waiting room that seemed to have an enormous collection of comic books, one of which was entitled "strange but true." well, actually, i'm not really sure if that was it's exact name, that might have been a subtitle. but that's what i called them anyway. the strange but trues.

and they were reading candy for the pre-pubescent set. of which i was one. each one would tell tales of absurd, crazy, creepy, sometimes gross, and just plain wierd but supposedly true mysteries. anyway, they fueled my belief in that the world is quite a wierd place sometimes, chock full of things that just cannot be explained.

and so it goes today. remember i told you some time back that i had an inkling that something wierd was afoot somewhere? for no reason, i just felt that something was shifting or changing?

well this evening, i do believe i found out what that was. and what it was, is not important to you, and i'm not going to tell you anyway- but what i'm getting at and trying to tell you about is that i think it's completely wierd how i would feel that. so very strongly. and now i here i find out that something in fact has just occured that had to be in the works about the time that i started strongly feeling the wierdness. strange. but. true.

and as corny as it seems, when things like this happen- i sometimes think that i am just a wee bit psychic. not that i am psychic in anyway or to any degree that it could actually be of benefit to me. but all the same, it's just kind of intriguing to me.

anyway, i'll let you know if i decide to start learning to read tarot cards or tea leaves or packing a crystal ball.