hat in the air

if you are of my vintage you will remember the mary tyler moore show where while the opening themesong would play "you're going to make it afterall" she would walk halfway through an intersection, twirl around and throw her hat up in the air. in a moment of a sort of revelry and joy about where she is in her life.

well, except for the fact that it's 80 degrees, sunny instead of cold and snowy and i'm not wearing a hat to throw up in the air, and i'm not in the middle of an intersection (and instead sitting in an adirondack chair photographing a woodpecker on a nearby tree)- that's kind of how i feel right now this minute.

i really like my new job. i like the hours. i really like the people. i really like my new city. i really my new apartment that i will move into in September (and saw again yesterday.) i'm just happy about everything that is in my life right now.

that is not to say that i'm not unhappy about some things that aren't- but hey, if you can't have everything, it's pretty nice to have at least a few nice things.

then to top it off, i found out today that i will make just a wee bit more monthly in my retirement check than what i thought i would plus they sent me a nice little check to make up for the amount they shorted me in the last two months.

seriously, it's my lucky day of a lucky time in my life. i should buy a lottery ticket.

i really might make it after all myself. who woulda thought it?

an era's end

so my x mother in law passed away.

now usually i don't use such terms as "passed away." that's always seemed wierd to me. usually i would just say a person died. because that's what they did, you know. but for some reason i don't feel like saying "died" or "dead" with her. i want to say "passed away." it's like the closing of an era in my life somehow.

i don't know how to explain my ex mother in law. let's just say this- she was unique. i've never known anyone else exactly like her and don't guess i ever will. i know there were a number of times in her life that i was quite upset with her. and i know a number of times she was pretty upset with me.

but you know what? with me, in the end, she was always forgiving. and she was off the wall in many ways and certainly almost never politically correct. and maybe not everyone felt that forgiveness with her. but i did.

and of course whenever i think about her, i think of her daughter, my dear sister in law who died and my feelings are all tangled up with those memories and feelings too.

and i don't know exactly what all i feel right now about the end of this era. but except for i know this- i will actually miss her. and i am sad. that she has passed away.

thank you for letting me be mice elf

to all the people in my life who are being so understanding and kind about how nervous i am right now and who are making all this easier for me- i want to say thank you.

it's hard to take off on your own at my advanced age, you know. i'm trying not to be a baby or a drama queen about it all, but it really is scary. and well, you know, it's kind of lonely too. you always think i guess that by the time you reach my age that any adventure you might undertake that you might be with someone. and it's kind of a reckoning of that aloneness when instead you set out by yourself.

but i'm vowing to be brave here. and there are some special dear people in my life who are helping me be.

so hey- thanks.