today's discoveries

chief on the list is that my hairdryer, that i've had for maybe 6 or 7 years, has a retractable cord. huh. who knew?

second on the list is that if you look up from what you are looking at while at the coffee shop, you might find someone staring at you. and what's more, if you smile at them, they'll smile right back.

3rd- it is possible to get a great haircut for all of 4 dollars and 50 cents.

4th- that i'm not as dumb as i thought i was.

5th- that i'm not as smart as i'd like to be.

that's all of the discoveries for today. perhaps tomorrow, i'll discover where i lost my other glove.

aging grace

so i needed a new pair of jeans. i seriously haven't had a new pair for 5 years. and they wear out, you know. not to mention that fashions change.

but the dilemma in buying new jeans when you are my age is that you don't want to make it look like you're trying to be younger than you are. at the same time you really don't want to have to be relegated to "mom" or grandma jeans either.

so do you go with the leggings type jeans that are in style or the skinny jeans? or do you try to "rock" the mom-jeans that seem to be the alternative? you have to have jeans. they are an essential of a wardrobe in this day and age. unless you're an old man. old men just look stupid in jeans, i think. they should just wear slacks unless they farm or something. (-:

anyway, as i said, i really really hate it when women try to dress younger than they are. i don't even like it when women over 45 or so keep their hair too long. i mean really? who the heck are we kidding? long flowing locks? yuck. we are not rapunzel and we are not 20 or 30. or even 40. we are in our 50's now. we shouldn't pretend we're young. we just look stupid when we do.

but at the same time, i don't want to dress in amish fashion either and i can't always be dressed up. i have to do "casual" sometimes, because my life is- for the most part- casual. and part of the problem for me is that the skinny leggings/jeans actually fit me decently. i'm in shape enough that i don't have a muffin top or anything. and they are stretchy- so they are crazy comfortable. i put them on and thought "to heck with it, these feel like wearing my skin. i really want to buy them."

so, what to do, what to do?

so the sales settled it for me. cheap prices allowed me to delay the decision and bring it on home with me. i bought two pairs. i bought a nice pair of bootcuts that weren't too "mommy" or too youngish for most of the time and i bought a pair of legging jeans, figuring i could wear them about the apartment at the very least. because they were really really comfy being all stretchy and all. i'll try to never wear them in public, so as not to creep anyone (besides me) out or anything.

what would you say?

"if you a monkey on a string..?"

in my reincarnated mbb, i'm trying to be upbeat. but sometimes i just want to talk. so deal with it.

so one of my very besties lost her dad not long ago. ok. she didn't lose him. he died. but so anyway, she's grieving.

and she texts me last night about 2 in the morning to tell me that she can't stand it. that she just had no idea how much she'd miss him. how much it would hurt.

so i wasn't quite asleep. i was half-way awake. and i had the presence of mind to respond. but still, what do ya say?

i knew what i couldn't say. i couldn't say when or if it would stop hurting. i knew this for certain. because i knew how much i hated it when people would say this to me. or even when they'd imply it. that one day it would feel better. because i knew then and i know then- how the HELL do they know when and if it would ever stop hurting.

so what i said was "it sucks. i'm sorry."

and what i think/hope/pray i also said (because i really was almost asleep and i'm not sure) that how she felt was normal. because that's what i most needed to hear. that it was all normal.

all the anger. all the sadness. all the frustration. all the grief. all the "damn it all to ----ing hell, i HATE this" IS NORMAL.

and it's ok to be pissy and grumpy and angry and downright pissed off. and it's ok to be sad and tearful. and at a loss. and insecure. for a very very long time.

and i hope that somehow i also conveyed that no matter how grumpy, cranky, angry, sullen, bitter, frustrated she is or will be for however long she needs to feel that way, that i would understand and be there.

i certainly would never get all pissed off and walk away from her when she needed me most.

what would you say.......?

my religion

so if you could know the future, would you want to? or is it better that you just don't know anything?

so i was thinking today that if i were a god and i was going to admit people to heaven, i wouldn't ask that you believed in me or if you did good things. instead i would ask you to have gained forgiveness from everyone you ever hurt and to give forgiveness to everyone who ever hurt you before i'd let you go there. and i would make it well known that this is what you had to do. and if someone died before you got their forgiveness- "oops, sorry about your luck on that. you should have been nice while you had a chance to be nice."

in fact, if i were a god, i'd make it very plain to each and every person that i existed and that this was the deal. none of this having to look for or make up clues or hints and hoping people would find me and believe in me.

and if i was all powerful, the first thing i'd do is "turn-off" my ability to tell people's futures. so if they asked me, i wouldn't be able to tell them when or how they were going to die, so they wouldn't even bother to ask me.

and i wouldn't use a hell as a punishment for not picking to go heaven through this deal- i'd just tell people that "hey, you don't get to go to heaven. sorry. about your luck. the luck you made for yourself."