He promised to buy me a bunch of blue ribbons...

I once told someone that the worst thing you could do to me was promise something to me. Because it was too hard on me when those things didn't get delivered. And there were never any guarantees. and most things never get delivered. too heartbreaking.

I have since changed my thinking on that. I think now that promises indicate intent. And it's good for intent to be declared. promises are the first step of love and delivery is the second step of love. fulfillment of the intent is the demonstration. so hey- later on, the sorting out of whether promises were fulfilled or not (and why) can be done. life, after all, rarely balances like an equation.

Because frankly, while broken promises can be disappointing, sometimes there is a good reason. And if you can see that reason, you can understand and deal with the heartbreak of a broken promise.

I went to the state fair yesterday. Corny and silly, yes, but I wanted to go. sentimental to me because in the later years of my father's life, he and i had this conversation about how we'd both never been there to this corny event and almost everyone we knew, had. and so we promised that we'd go together sometime.

well, he had a good excuse for not keeping that promise. he got sick and he died. or rather, he got sick, and he was killed by the medical establishment. anyway, he died. and of course he could not go. and could not go with me. but he wanted to. and if he'd lived, he would have.

but i decided that i would go ahead and go this year - without him. because the thing is, i remember his intent was good. no reason not to go. actually all the more reason to go. because his intent was good. and i do believe he would have gotten a huge kick out of seeing the world's largest glued together popcorn ball. and i had to see it for him.

anyway. all this is to say i'll never go to paris now. but what the hell, there's no giant ball of gluey popcorn there anyway.