Let's face it...

So you all know that the reason I started this blog was to have somewhere to put my feelings. It wasn't to communicate great ideas. I mean, you know, i don't really have any of those. It wasn't to entertain. Clearly- because while friends sometimes tell me I'm quite funny, on here I am not, really. I never strive much for levity, anyway. And it sure wasn't to communicate with anyone because let's face it- there are about 2 people who ever read this blog.
So, as I said, this blog was about somewhere to throw out my feelings to someone, anyone, who will listen. Because let's face it, if a tree screams in a forest and no one is around to hear it- it hasn't really screamed at all, has it? Again- if there really ever is anyone listening. It's sort of a message in a bottle crapshoot, I guess.

So, I'm reminded of why I started this today because of someone else's grief. And the thought that this person might need to speak to a counselor. Which in theory, I think is a good idea. But here's the rub- I would want this person's counselor to be really good. Really good. And let's face it, there are so very few people (psychologists) that really are any good. I know this. I tried a lot of them before i wound up here. And please don't think I'm a spoiled brat who won't listen or heed any counseling advice. I listened good. And i heeded much too much and I am convinced now that I just plain wasted a huge amount of money.

Because here is what I know after all these years, many tears, money spent, crazy things done, and angry tirades spoken- I know that anyone who walks away from you while you're grieving, complicating your grief multiple times over , is a plain old fxxxing asshat. A miserable human being. And a jerk. I don't care what other nice qualities they might have, or things they have accomplished in life or even if they are mother Theresa or if you love them beyond your life itself, or if your behavior and words were jerky too. I don't care. And that's what they should have told me from day one. And on day two, they should have figured out a plan to have me find a way to better dispell my grief. Like for instance, you know what would have helped me? If one of them would have said- "it's ok if you write him- write away, just before you hit send- let's you and I talk over what you wrote. Then if you still want to send it- have at it." give me a plan that addressed what I needed and help me! You know?

THAT would have helped me a lot! Instead I got all this wasted time- let's talk through your feelings, let's give you an anti-depressant, let's explore your past, life is a journey, grief is a wondrous part of the human experience kinda crap that I got.

So ok, I've vented for myself here- as this blog was intended for. But now I want to talk about what I think will help this person I know who is grieving- a plan! A plan about where to put and express what they are feeling. A place to put those feelings. and An action plan to use when it all gets to be too much.

Because, let's face it. Sometimes it is. Just too much.