what a long strange trip it is

so such a lot has happened since i last wrote. both in my personal life and in the world life.

to recap my personal life, my daugher and her wonderful husband were here visiting, i had a nice brief ttalk with my x and my grandson hit a grandslam. there was much more to it of course, but those are the biggies.

in the world, oh my oh my oh my. the church slayings, the bruhaha over the confederate flag, the boston bomber sentencing and apology, the supreme court upholding healthcare. what a lot of stuff that boggles the mind. and the heart.

so you all know by now how i feel about everything. i think the slayings heinous, racism insidious, the confederate flag needed to come down before it was put up, the boston bomber may be sincere, but the ship has sailed. and my governor is a grownman sized toddler pouting over the fact that people will be able to keep their healthcare.

it occurs to me that we all spend our days on one of two things. trying to figure out life or trying to figure out death.

you'd think maybe if you were to read my fb posts of late that i was mostly pondering over the slayings and the confederate flag thing. but as so often is the case, what i'm talking about isn't really mostly what i'm thinking about.

i'm thinking about so many other things really. and it's all tied up with something that i just still haven't found a way to articulate. even while i feel it most sincerely.


''the story of life is quicker than the blink of an eye. the story of love is hello, goodbye." Jimi Hendrix

Outstanding in my field

I think one of the most stupid and untrue things in the word is the notion that you can forgive something but still keep your distance from the person you forgive. Because I really think that if you truly forgive them, you will allow them the same place back in your life. And if you don't, you haven't really forgiven them. Here's the thing though. I do not think it's really necessary to forgive everyone. Sometimes I think it's just ok that you don't forgive, so long as you don't become vengeful or anything.

But returning back to actually forgiving people- here is a Rumi quote that I found in a book i was reading that I think describes forgiveness to a T: "Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing there is a field. I'll meet you there."

After my heart

So, I'm sure all grandparents are in love with their grandchildren. I am no exception. And i don't know if this is pc to say or even if it makes sense, but I think it's easier to love your grandchildren than it is to love your children. I guess because you don't feel that pressing responsibility to get things right with your grandchildren that you did with your children. Your only real job is to love them. And enjoy their sweetness and their silliness.
And their perfection and their imperfection. And even when/if you are worried about them, you have the longer view that comes with age maybe- that nothing really matters except making sure that grandchild knows he is loved.

Anyway, it's a good gig being a grandma. And I'm happy to be one.

Everything is not everything

I read that. In a book about a mathematics professor seeking out the origin of the numeral zero. The guy related the concept of zero back to Hindu and Buddhist roots. And that's where "everything is not everything" comes in. Eastern philosophy.

That's quite the concept, yes? As is "anything is true, or false, or both true and false, or neither true or false."

All this reminded me how small my mind is. math And eastern (and western) logic mystifies me, really. But even so, I have to say that to me there is something soothing and comforting in the everything is not everything concept. It can be stretched in my head to mean that even if things suck, that isn't the final view or only way it's ever going to seem. I know that's not really what it has to do with, but i don't think there's any harm in understanding it in a way that makes you feel better.

That's either true, false, not true, both, or neither, right?