happy father's day to my Dad

today is father's day. and that's a downright peculiar day when you no longer have a father to honor. sure, i've taken some time today to honor my son who i believe is an excellent father. and i've said "happy father's day!" to a few friends of mine. but other than that, the day is kind of empty-ish for someone who no longer has her father here.

i would want to tell you that i had the world's best dad. i really in fact, did. i know lots of people think that, but they romanticize their dads. i truly did have the world's best dad. not because he was flawless but because at his core, he was the only man i ever met and ever will meet who was honest and with integrity always. always. and he was always, without fail- fair. and he could always always see the meaning and the intent behind whatever anyone's words actually were. he never got blinded by anger or pride or insult or injury. he was always forgiving. even when it was scary.

but i think the biggest thing with my dad is that he was just almost never selfish. not with his time. not with what little money he had. not with his talent. and he was one of those rare, if not extinct now, individuals who believed in the importance of community.

it was an odd thing that he was a registered republican. because he believed in open and fair immigration policies. he believed that we have an obligation to take care of those who either can't or don't take care of themselves. (emphasis on the "don't") he believed that people should share their wealth with others. and he believed in "there but for the grace of "God" go i." he believed in freedom. he believed in the responsibility. he believed in leading by example. he hated the ideas of sin taxes or zero tolerance. but he supported paying taxes for public services. hardly republican traits.

my father was immensely intelligent. he was in truth, gifted. and he could have worked at the top of his game. or really any game that he would have chosen. he could have run a corporation or a government agency. but i don't think he could have ever found it in his heart to close down a plant for people to lose their livlihoods, or to cut needed benefits to disabled or senior citizens. he maybe would have found a humane and efficient system of cutting waste or abuses, but he would have err'd on the side of giving too much over giving too little. and i know he would have ever put himself in the position of making the fast buck on the backs of others.

and there are many times when i reflect that i never really appreciated my father fully when he was alive. and there are often gifts of remembrances that i have of him that maybe didn't have meaning for me while in the moment, but have had oodles of meaning for me later.

and interestingly enough, after all the time i spent trying to get over someone in my life, it is actually my dad in the end really- (through memories of who he was) who gave me the gift of realizing that this person wasn't really "all that." that he wasn't really gold- that he was just glitter. and superficial glitter at that.

because a person of real substance, such as my father was- would NEVER have treated me as i was treated. no matter how much pride or anger he had or what he thought i meant by what i said. a person of caliber would never have thrown out the baby with the bathwater. a person of heart would never have not allowed for forgiveness.

so today on this father's day i say "thank you daddy" and "i love you and i miss you very much."