cheered up sleepy jean

"oh what can it mean?"

what it means is that while responding to someone who asked me how i liked my "new life," i starting listing all the things i loved and something popped out that i honestly hadn't thought a whole heck of lot about before. and that is that with my new life here, i'm getting a normal amount of sleep for a human being on a regular basis.

and well, it's quite transforming really.

because i've been running a sleep deficit for years upon years upon years.

some of the reasons for my lack of sleep were stress and grief related- true.
and some of my deprivation was due to that i've always had the tendency to be an insomniac. in that the more i need to sleep, the more i simply can't.

but part of the issue was that i really and truly worked almost all the time and when i wasn't working, thoughts of work were constantly crowding my mind and preventing the zzz's. or if i wasn't worrying about work, i was trying to get out my feelings and frustrations by writing until the wee hours. and it was just like i could not sleep until i got them out.

and so i'd be up late, most usually until after midnight and oft-times until after 2 or so and then i'd be up again at the crack of before dawn. usually at 5:30 or 6. i probably averaged about 5 hours a night on weekdays and i CRAVED saturdays when i could sleep in late if there wasn't some activity to get up for. and if i couldn't sleep in on saturday it was all over again for the week.

and what are the tolls of not sleeping enough. they range from issues of mental health such as depression and anxiety, and for some, even psychosis; to making mental mistakes to crankiness, to weight gain. even to dying younger. and if you are an early riser, apparently you get worms.

at any rate, these days i don't have to be at work until at the earliest on three days a week, 9 o'clock. and i live less than five minutes away by bike from work. so even if i don't get to sleep at a respectable hour here, i can, in effect have a "mini" sleep-in every morning. and there is really nothing to worry about with this job. i go in, i do my job and with the exception of a small amount of paperwork that involves very little thought, there is nothing to bring home in my arms or in my head.

and so also, since i'm not so keyed up with stressful work and other concerns, i am even getting to bed a bit earlier throughout the week. which means i probably now average about 8 hours a night noq. if you count just the 5 weekdays and count by 4 week months, then i'm getting 60 more hours of sleep a month!!! that will add up to what? 720 hours a year? 720 divided by 24 is 30, right? so does that mean 30 more days of sleep a year? ???? someone check my math here! that's crazy.

and, that's significant, no? and apparently i look better because of it as well. or so i've been told by a number of people. and well. also, i'm just happier than i've been in ever so long. yeah. sleep!!!!