Sunday, January 20, 2013

greys

so, it's to no one's surprise that lance armstrong was doping. just as people knew oj killed his wife, and you really didn't want your children around michael jackson, lance armstrong doped up to enhance his performance- this is a surprise to no one. a fact. and really, unless you were completely stupid, you knew it even before his confession.

but i was among those who really didn't want old lance to be guilty. not because i care about the sport of biking or lance, but because i was once comforted by something he said. it was after someone close to me died of cancer. and before she died, i was super aggravated with all the "pray for" people. i hated the thought that god might make people play the "game" of begging and praying for their lives or the lives of those they loved.

and after she died, i was super aggravated by those who said such things as "this" was part of "his" plan, just we could not understand it because we were stupid mortals. the people who set my teeth on edge the most were those that said that god had performed some miracle in their life, or that their own personal jesus had swooped in and saved their day.

truly an annoying thing to hear when "your own" personal jesus doesn't come in and save your day or make your dreams come true. makes you think "HEY, NO FAIR, jesus!"

also unfair is the deal where people tell you that you were being "tested" or "made stronger."

anyway in his "it's not about the bike" book, lance had the "audacity" to say that he really didn't attribute his being saved from testicular cancer by god. mostly he attributed his survival to good doctors and plain and simple luck, for which he had no explaination. i thought "thank YOU LANCE!" and "finally, AN HONEST PERSON talking about his recovery."

but here's the thing with people. they can be liars about one thing and truth tellers about others. people are usually not completely black or completely white. and i don't like that. i want people to be one or the other. simply bad. or simply good.

and i want that for myself too. it really upsets me to not be completely perfect, honest, and good. it aggravates the heck out of me that i can't be. that i've done wrong things, or made mistakes, (even if i was well-intentioned) and that quite often i think the worst of people. or that i can't forgive people for things.

i want things not to be grey. but since they aren't, i guess i will have to content myself with that while lance is a jerk, at one moment he said one thing that made sense to me. and that his being a "bad sportsman" doesn't negate what he once said.
`

No comments: