no thyme for me

i went to the grocery store and was taken with the fact that there was a sale on whole chickens. and i thought to myself. "hmm. chicken is damn cheap. i can eat for a long time on one whole chicken." and i reasoned to myself, that being half-retired meant that i had a lot of time and freedom on my hands and could thus spend my snowy friday afternoon roasting a chicken. and in my head, i made a kind of event out of it. i knew i had a nice bottle of white wine chilling already. i knew i had nothing planned for after work on friday. and i knew that i could damn well do what i wanted to. and if that included roasting a chicken and having a lovely supper- well, then i could. and i would.

and so i bought all the recommended cooking ingredients. and headed home with dinner plans.

but you should know- that i'm really not much of a cook. and have never really liked cooking all that much, if you want to know the truth. too much potential for complete disaster. too many critics. too much temptation to finish that chapter in a book or talk on the phone, and to let supper burn. wasted time.

so, it's rare for me to do something like this. but i was determined to do it anyway. and i went to the internet and looked up "how to roast a chicken." because even while i can (and have) roast a turkey like no one's business- i thought perhaps chickens might be different.

and so they are. in almost every recipe for roasted chicken, it calls for thyme. and my turkey recipe is thymeless.

i know so little about spices. parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme. nice words to sing, but quite honestly, i couldn't tell you the difference between any of them. or what you use what for.

but because the internet said to, when i was at the store, i bought fresh thyme. and quite honestly, at the store, i don't like the smell of it. but hey, all the recipes say "use thyme, it's the bestest." and so i think "well maybe the crappy smell cooks out of it."

and i bring the thyme and the chicken and all the other ingredients home and this afternoon after i get home from work, i proceed to prepare my roast chicken. and i have to tell you that even while i'm offended by the recommended spice, that i'm pretty amused at the form of my little chicken, as i'm gussying it all up. i know all you vegetarians out ther will be disgusted, but im' thinking to myself, "you know? this little chicken body is oddly cute, in a way that a naked raw turkey is not."

and i'm thinking- "if it weren't for the feathers and the creepy bird eyes and beak,and if you could put fur on it and puppy dog eyes instead, it might make a cute little animal, actually."

but never mind all that. the point is that i proceed to follow the internet recipe for preparing a roasted chicken. with thyme.

and quite honestly, it was delicious. truly. but you know what? it would have been MORE delicious without the thyme. it was saved from being a perfect meal because of the thyme. and the next time i roast a chicken, i will leave out the thyme. i don't like it. no more thyme for me.

so why am i boring you with all this? well, quite honestly, it has almost nothing to do with chickens or thyme. it has to do with that while my little thymed chicken was in the oven, i sat down with a glass of wine and turned on a movie on tv.

it was an old movie starring barbara stanwick called "the gay sisters." and i was enchanted with it. old movies are a lot more intriguing really than most of what i see today.

but so anyway, there is a scene in the movie where two of the three gay(lord) sisters are getting hammered. they are getting hammered because of a big disappointment in their lives. and they are acting stupid, as hammered sisters will do. and the one, in exasperation, says to the other "where are all the little stars at dawn, fiona?" and fiona (barbara stanwick) answers "i don't know." and then "where's my girlhoood and the top of my head?" and then "and the first innnocence of my mind?"

and i'm sitting there with my wine and the smell of thyme, laughing and thinking "yeah fiona! these are all things that I WANT TO KNOW too!! ANSWERS PLEASE!"

but of course, it's the movies. and there are no answers. only happy "surprising" romantic endings. such as there never seem to be in real life.

and then the oven timer went off and i proceeded to enjoy my homecooked meal. with my wine pairing. and it was delicious. despite the thyme. but i'm still left here wondering "where are all the little stars at dawn? and where's my girlhood?and the top of my head?

because really, at this time in my life, i have no idea.