on being devoured by the earth, part 2

ok, so as i felt inclined to comment on my own post just now, obviously what i wrote just now (in jest) bothered me a bit.

and since it bothers me, i want to reflect on it a bit.

so first, please know that there is a big difference between saying something a bit colorfully and actually wishing it. please know that i'm never going to arrange for a giant sinkhole to come and dine on him and his ridiculous new wife. i'm venting a little frustration and anger is all.

but so, it bothers me that he (and she) still anger me even after all these years. it might be indicative that i'm not over things. and that i'm not happy in my life. and all that stuff, that would clearly be considered unhealthy.

but interestingly enough, just this morning, i exchanged texts with someone regarding an old work situation, where i felt (and still feel) that i'd been screwed royally. and i said "even while i am as happy as a clam about how things turned out, and i wouldn't want it to have ended up any other way, i am STILL angry about "it."

my fellow texter's reply? "well, you should be. i don't blame you one bit. you wouldn't be normal if you weren't angered by it all."

so that's roughly what i want to say to any of you who would judge me as harshly as i judge myself on things here. because while i actually would have things in this case turn out differently than they did, my life now is not unhappy. i am not bitter. i'm not what you would call a bitter person today, if you met me now. but what i am, still, is angry about it all. and the further i get away from it all, the more right i feel i have to be angry as all hell.

and from time to time, i feel that it's healthy to vent that anger. and that's why i wrote what i wrote.