knock, knock, knocking on hade's door

i read an enormous amount of crap on the internet each day. it takes up so much of my time, it's hard for me to imagine what i used to do with my time.

ok, i know. what i used to do with my time, but the point is, i do read an enormous amount of crap each day.

and every once in awhile, i'm rewarded with something really special. such as the following quote from a "news" article about a house that is allegedly being haunted:

"If it’s true this home is a portal to hell, then I want to go there and see what happens,”

don't ya love that? that there's a guy walking around in this world with the unintentionally comic (no, i didn't mean cosmic) spirit to look at a reporter with a straight face and say, "If it's true this home is a portal to hell, then I want to go there and see what happens."

ha. seriously, i mean it. ha.

and well, how do you hold a straight face as a reporter when someone says something like that to you? i believe, i'd bust a gut, right in the ghostbuster's face. and i'm afraid that i'd have to headline the story i wrote with, "There Sure Are a Bunch of Nutjobs in this World, Aren't There?"

and for the record, if there were such things as portals to hell, i'd personally recommend staying the hell away from them. but, if you're dumb enough to say something like this to me ever, i'd seriously think about giving you a push.

that would be a headline, wouldn't it? fit for a tabloid. "I Pushed Someone Into a Portal of Hell"