too much.

so my bestie from college took some days off from her hectic work and she came to visit me. just to get away from it all for a bit. i was happy. she was to arrive on sunday afternoon. on friday evening i got a text from one of my co-workers telling me the timeline on something had been moved up. I wasn't too upset or worried about it, as I had a handle on what needed to be done to get it going and i knew it was doable. it did involve a bit of work though, that i'd sort of put off, because they'd not given us all the tools we needed to complete the project until just last week.

but i had plans for friday night and for saturday and so i decided to set aside time to do that on Sunday morning before my friend arrived. Well, first i didn't get up until 10. then i had some other things i needed to do and so i didn't get started until noon. which was fine, especially since my friend texted and said she wouldn't be here until 4 or so and that she'd text me when she got here so i could let her in. i settled in to work. and work i did. i worked with only breaks to go to the bathroom for 5 hours. i was really focused.

which wouldn't have been a problem, except for i was concentrating so hard and not paying attention to the time at all and my phone was set on vibrate but sitting away from me on the sofa, where the vibrations wouldn't make much noise. plus, you might recall that i don't hear well.

so my friend did get here about 4 and she texted me. i did not answer. she decided maybe i was out on my bike or possibly napping and so she decided to take a walk. well, she walked and she repeatedly called and texted me for 45 minutes. i heard none of the texts and none of her phone calls. i was working and i was focused.

so then from walking, she was hot and she got in her car and turned on the air conditioning and texted another friend of ours to see if she knew where i was. she didn't hear back from her. she was out on a bike ride. so then she called her husband. and told him that she didn't know what to do. and that she was afraid that i was inside and had had a heart attack or maybe fallen and hit my head or something awful. she started crying.

while she was talking to him, i got to a stopping place and went to my phone where i read the last of many texts to me which said, "xxxxx, call me PLEASE, you are scaring me." right away i called her without listening to the voicemails or reading the other texts and asked her, "what the hell? what's the matter?"

well by this time, she's so upset and worried and crying so i can just barely understand her saying that she's down in the parking lot in her car. i run down the stairs and out the door, where i find her, in fact, in tears. i hug her and then proceed to help her bring her stuff in while she explains how she's spent the last hour and her fears that i was hurt or ill or dead. and then she said, "i need a drink."

so i got her that drink. and then another. and i feel just awful for how i made her feel. but we drink and she calms down and i tell myself, "well at least she cares about me." so then we decided to go out to eat before going to see a late movie. so we go to eat and as we were finishing our meal, i got a phone call telling me that one of my former students was in very bad shape and in fact had been sent home to die. her mother wanted me contacted.

so yeah, i'm rattled. but after the email and immediately, there is nothing i can do. so i put down my phone and we proceed to go to the movie theatre. so this is one of those nice movie theaters where you can drink. and we get a couple glasses of wine and we sit in our seats and i reach in my purse to turn off my phone ringer. but my phone's not there. so my friend calls my phone and the people at the restaurant answer it. they tell us they are only open for another 45 minutes. the movie starts in 15 minutes, so i ask my friend if i can take her car and go get it so she can stay there and won't miss any of the movie. she agrees and hands me the keys.

so i go out to her car and here's the really stupid part. i do not know how to start it. because it's a new car that doesn't use the key. so there is a place to put in the key and i do that, then i see a start button which i push. i see a lovely visual of what's behind me, and i put the car in reverse to back out of the parking space and nothing. the screen says something about the brake and i don't understand what that means so i think "maybe the emergency brake is on. i push on that. i try several other things and give up, resigned to go in and tell my friend, i'm too stupid to drive her car.

so i do that. and she laughs and says, "i'll go get your phone, you stay here." so she goes and since i have put on the emergency brake, she doesn't know how to take it off because she's never used it before. after a while though she does get it figured out, goes to get my phone and gets back only missing about 30 seconds of the movie. whew.

so after the movie, we laugh and laugh and laugh. i tell her that i'm really sorry for making her mini-vacation from work a living hell so far. we laugh and laugh some more.

and the rest of her visit is in fact delightful. however after she left today, i was just settling down trying to process the bad news i got and figuring out to go visit her before she dies. and i get a text from my co-worker again and she's very upset because she's gotten another message about our project and it wasn't very nice. (and now mind you, the last two days we've been off.) so i listen to her and i tell her, that it's really all good and that our boss has simply misunderstood some circumstances. i tell her to answer him and to reassure him, that in fact, all is well. i get off the phone and i write up some more stuff. that really could have waited until tomorrow but since he was all hyper, i decided to just get it done tonight.

and in between i'm emailing back and forth about my student. and i'm thinking. i have not had time to process this. not one moment. i can't process it because i just haven't had time because of work and company and stupid things.

and i thought how much my life used to be like this almost all the time. and how i'm SO glad that for the most part it's not anymore. because i gotta tell you. it's too overwhelming for me. and not that i'm not glad for my friend's visit, i really was, and am. but sometimes too much is just too much. and i'm glad that most of the time anymore, my life is not too much.