For which I am thankful..

so, i'm no grammar expert. yes, i do a bit better in real life than i do on here or on my emails, but i do seriously have to think about what is a conjunctive adverb or a coordinating conjunction and what to do with semi-colons and commas. i also know that i use dependent clauses just like they are real sentences quite a lot in my informal writing. whatever. in addition, i have to watch that i don't say things like "where are you at?" which is bad, because you never end a sentence with a preposition, you know. so around thanksgiving time, isn't "what are you thankful for?" bad grammar?

seems like it. but i don't know. i'm no grammarian, as i say.

but i am a bit of a contrarian. in that i stubbornly refused to participate in this year's November Facebook game of "what are you thankful for?" with the posters every day, for 30 days straight, telling you they are thankful for their children, for their spouses, for their dogs and cats and grandmothers, their jobs, their homes, their cousins, their cars, and their friends, and other assorted sundries.

ironically, while i wouldn't participate, i am this year very grateful about very much.

i'm grateful that i have retired from my soul-sucking job and gotten a new one, that i have moved to a more interesting place, for my apt., for my new job, for my devoted friends (new and old,) for my family, for my paid off car and debt, for enough retirement income that i can survive on this job's pay, for my health, for my mental health. and not to leave off actual thing-things; i'm grateful for my new bike, my new tv, my new printer, and my new furniture.

i'm sure there is a lot more if i think about it. and there is one more thing that i don't really like to think about, that i should mention. and that's that i'm no longer paralyzed by heartache as i was for so long. and i guess i'd be a lot more grateful if i could find a big eraser and erase the jerk out of my mind completely, but at least i've finally come around to the realization that it was not me that blew that whole thing and threw it away, and that instead, it was him being less compassionate and understanding and forgiving than any person, let alone someone who claimed to love you, should ever be.

i always wonder now if someday i'll actually forgive him. but you know, it's hard to forgive someone who willfully kills a living thing. it really is. and so for now, i'll just be thoroughly grateful for that i no longer accept his blame and his accusation that i was "the murderer." It took me a very long time to realize that and That is something for which i am very very thankful.