some people

so hold onto your hats here. i've got something to say. or rather, i've got a lot to say. much to cover in one little writing, but it all ties together in my head, so onto this screen, it must all weave together.

first. if you don't like the idea of gay marriage, then i'll thank you to just jump right off this page right now. we don't need your kind here. we don't need your kind anywhere, as far as i am concerned.

before i elaborate though, let me start with a quote from Winnie the Pooh. "Some people care too much, i think it's called love."

so two people, they fall in love, they care too much about each other. they care so very much too much about each other, they want to make sure that the other is taken care of, always. they want to vow that. commit to that. put their money where their mouths are to that. so they get married.

now for all you "you're thumbs must be sore from thumping your bibles" people that say that marriage must be between a man and a woman and that this is true, because your thoroughly-thumped bible tells you so, let me say this, "NO ONE IS SAYING THAT YOUR DISCRIMINATING, NEANDERTHAL CHURCH CAN'T JUST KEEP RIGHT ON DISCRIMINATING FOREVER AND EVER TELLING YOUR FOLK THAT NO ONE THAT SEES IT DIFFERENTLY CAN HAVE A WEDDING IN YOUR CHURCH. a wedding is NOT the same thing as a marriage. a church wedding is a nice (usually) ceremony where your religious leader says "WE bless this marriage." the marriage is a legal tying of knots to bind people who care "too much" about each other to let the other one have to wonder and worry if they'll always be taken care of.

get it? two separate things. so, again, if you don't like the idea of gay marriage, unless you are a legislator of some sort (in which case you ought to stay and listen) just go on about your merry (may i say, gay?) way. there is nothing to see here, except what you've already seen. and that's that i think you're an idiot. no wait. make that "i think you're a mean, discriminating idiot."

so ok. now you're perhaps thinking. "well, mbb must be lesbian. elst she wouldn't get so fired up about this." and you'd be wrong. i'm as hetero, as they come. can't help it, i was BORN THAT WAY! as all the gay people in the world were born THAT OTHER WAY. so i just think though that if two people, however they were born, want to care about each other too much, well then we should let them. simple as that.

now here is my very "favortist" argument against gay marriage - "but if we let two same-sexed people marry, what will be next?" and they either follow that with something along the lines of beastiality. in which case, i'd ask them to tell me how their silly sheep is going to sign the papers with their clumsy hooves, or indicate agreement, in any other way. or they say "don't you have to allow bigamy then to be fair (because we are "all about fairness" here. ha ha.) to which i will say, "yeah, no, you don't have to allow any such thing. why not? because you don't have to is why not. it's perfectly fair to just say that marriage is between any two consenting adults and to leave it at that. so just shut up about your issue of numbers. it's a stupid argument. and i won't listen to it."

so now, let's just talk about what marriage is, beyond all that. and why i'm just plain in favor of it for people in general if they care too much about each other. lest you tell me "it's just a piece of paper and our love is so strong, we don't need a piece of paper to know that our committment to each other is there." to that i say "if it's just a piece of paper, then why not sign it? so that the other person doesn't have to secretly wonder if you care too much or not -because you wouldn't sign it. go ahead, put all the prenup junk in there you want to, if you're that kind of worried about your children's claim on your fortune or your own selfishness, but at least sign something that says "i definitively don't want you to worry if i can help it. i love you THAT MUCH. i love you TOO MUCH!"

now, it might sound funny that a divorce person like myself is so adamant about such things. there's that old tired argument of "well, your piece of paper and your vow certainly meant nothing to you." to which i'd claim, "no, you're wrong. that piece of paper meant that "i would be fair to "you" even if i wind up hating you with the strength of a thousand hates and i won't be able to see my way clear to do that at the moment."

you know there was a man that i hoped to marry some time back. you hear me whine and moan about that heartbreak in my life with regularity here. (sorry, you are still my wailing wall.) and you hear me analyze that still from time to time. and sometimes i try to sum it up for myself. and basically, right now, what it all boils down to was that there was a time in my life, when because of the circumstances that were bubbling in the cauldron that is my life, i NEEDED to hear and see and taste, and touch "i will commit to always take care of you." and he could not see his way to do that. instead he took my inarticulate pleas for that and used them against me saying (in so many words) "yeah, no, i just don't love you "that much." he even tried to tell me because i was anxious, that i didn't care about his children and that i was evil and stuff. and that i didn't care about him or i'd understand.

and now, with some years behind my belt, i claim outright "that's just XXXXXXXX bullshit. your problem (YES, YOUR PROBLEM) was that you didn't love me too much. i don't care how much or what else you gave me, you didn't love me too much."

now don't think it doesn't gall me to no end that he's married now. to someone else, obviously. don't think that i don't hate him for that with a thousand hates. or hate her with a thousand hates, as well. simply because i can and do. because let's face it i'm jealous as all hell. he apparently loved her and not me, too much.

so did i add this part about him in here just to whine once again? yes and no. yes, it always makes me feel better to whine. but i added it for another reason too. and that is this. his one sister is gay. and well, one time i asked him if she was active in fighting for gay rights. and he answered "well, no, not really." and i said "why not? because i sure would be if i were gay." and he said "well basically, it boils down to for them (she and her partner) that they just want to live their lives and not have to be fighting all the time."

and i can see the logic in that. i can also feel the feeling of that. but still, i really could just never take that attitude myself. it's like saying "i'm going to let the world treat me as if my feelings of loving too much do not matter. my own love is secure to withstand that."

and while i admire that ability to be that secure, at the same time, i think i just think that i'd feel "how DARE "they?" "how DARE ANYONE TELL ME THAT I (or anyone else like me) DON'T LOVE TOO MUCH?!!!"

some people.