just like everyone else.

so just like everyone else in the world, today i'm going to talk about the suicide of robin williams.

but just like no one else in the world, i'm going to start by telling you that i really didn't care for his comedy very much. too manic. too panicked. too something.

i liked him in "good will hunting." i will say that. but other than that, in his comedy, i just didn't care for him. that's ok though. not everyone has to like everything that everyone else does.

i will say that i'm terribly sad for his family. suicide leaves a big hole for a family. and for the friends. of the person who takes his/her own life. i know that a person contemplating suicide can talk him or herself right out of that reality, because the pain is so unrelentingly intense. but the truth really is that a suicide leaves a big wrenching permanent hole in the lives of people who care about you.

now, unlike robin williams, i do believe there are the eleanor rigbys of this world. people who nobody cares about at all. please don't lie and say, "there's no such person." because there are, and i've met them. please don't say that "but jesus loves them" stuff either. jesus is just not a real concrete character. and a person contemplating needs a real concrete character to help them through. anyway, i do believe there are people in the world that do not have anybody. at all. and that's very sad. i'd like to utter the platitude of "be kind to everyone, you don't know what they are going through." but even that really isn't enough. yes, sometimes a kind word or a smile to a stranger at the right moment can be enough to talk a person off their ledge. but also, sometimes, that's really not enough. they need someone to really care that they are there in the next moment. really care, as in willing to sit with them through that next moment and the next one and the next one. and the next one. and then doesn't just ditch them when the danger seems to have passed.

and as i said, i do believe there literally are people who don't have that person. any person in their life like that. and that's sad. i wish i could say i knew what to do about that, but honestly, i don't.

robin williams was not one of those people though. he had people. he had his family. he had friends. he had legions of fans. but somehow no one was there at that exact moment. and even if they were around, they didn't realize somehow, the true depth of his struggles. obviously he was capable of some pretty great disguises. perhaps part of his pain was that no one could see through those disguises. everyone believed them. even the people he hoped could see through them.

so how do you save a robin williams? perhaps the truth of it is that you can't. i've always believed that the only way to stop a suicide is understand that the pain they are feeling about something is bigger than any kind of pain you have ever felt in your life. and that it feels unrelenting and without an end. and that the only thing you can possibly say if you happen to be with them in that moment and you do happen to realize how much pain they are in is that you will not leave them. that you won't ever desert them. ever.

and they won't believe you but the proof is in you staying. in them knowing that you are there always. always. always.

don't say, "things will get better." because you don't know that, and that will ring as a bigger lie than "the check is in the mail" to them. don't say, "i've hurt too." because chances are you have never hurt like they are hurting and they know it. don't say, "you're selfish." or "you have so much to live for." they won't believe you.

all they know is that they are in pain. horrible pain. like if their hand were in a pot of boiling water. the only thing they know they want is their hand out of the pot. they can't see, feel, or think beyond that.

so you have to see, feel, think- for them. you have to tell them you are there. that you will be there. that you will always be there. that's the only thing that might register.

the thing is that most everyone thinks that they'll never contemplate suicide. most everyone thinks only crazies or the weak follow through and the ones who tell you they think about it are just fakers wanting attention. no one ever thinks they are just like everyone else. in that when the pain is too great, you'll do anything to make it stop.

i feel very blessed. that there was a person who understood all this at a time in my life when the pain was too great. i feel very blessed that since that time, there have been people in my life that make me know every single day of my life that i am needed and wanted. and that they'd never leave me.

because i know that i'm just like everyone else, in that there will be things that hurt me again. that there might be times again when i can't see past the pain again. but i also know now that i will never be left alone with that pain. that people will recognize it even if i wear a disguise.