mona lisas and mad hatters

always been one of my favorite songs. "mona lisas and maddhatters"

just the lovely lyrics. and the melody.. but seriously. the lyrics.

while mona lisas and mad hatters
sons of doctors, sons of lawyers
turn around and say "good morning" to the night.
for unless they see the sky,
but they can't and that is why..
they know not if it's dark outside or light..


seriously. you ever hear any better lyrics? don't they knock you out?

well, if they don't. then you are no friend of mine.

and i guess it's supposed to be sort of a love song to New York City.

but that's not all or exactly what it means to me.

to me, it means that no matter how big and lovely the dream is, that those big dreams will break your heart. and that the only thing that's really meaningful and that keeps you from slitting your wrists are the very lovely people you meet along the way. and those people are the reason you can sing a love song to a cold impersonal place.

such as is New York City. or as is the world.

and maybe that's not at all what the song's about. but that's what it's about to me.

this afternoon, i went out shopping with a new friend of mine. (and incidentally, i bought a new blouse for all of 3 dollars and 20 cents. no kidding, 3 dollars and 20 cents!) and she invited me back to her apt for a really late lunch and a couple of glasses of wine. and as newish friends do, we told pieces and parts of our stories to each other.

and it kind of makes me sad. because she's far more open and honest with me, than i'll ever be with her or with anyone. and she tells me this story how after losing her twin sister to cancer, the guy who she is still with today said and did all the very right things.

and i mean to tell you. all the very right things. he tells her he will never leave her. he takes over and helps her with the sister's small children that are breaking her heart. he states affirmatively that he will stay, she doesn't have to worry. and he acts affirmatively to deal with things, when she can't. he expects less than nothing in return. and he gets less than nothing for a long time. he gets her hurt and her anger. and her grief. and the more she pushes him away, the more he quietly stands his ground. patiently.

he's no baby man. he's a real man.

all this she tells me in response to her telling me about her less than perfect childhood, and me asking her how it was that she was able break the cycle that she was born into.

and basically, she was able to stop it, because someone in her life was able to demonstrate to her how stop it by loving her when she was at her worst.

and to tell you, that i am jealous of all this, is an understatement. but to tell you also that her telling her story to me has helped me and soothed me in such an immeasurable way is an understatement too.

because, it tells me that i wasn't wrong to be hurt, heartbroken, and angry at the way i was treated. the way that i wasn't understood. because i have to tell you. that for always i have felt that i did something really wrong. and it turns out, that i didn't. that's what that story tells me. it tells me that i was not. and am not awful.

and so,


"and i thank The Lord for the people that i have found. i thank The Lord for the people that i have found.