stuck in the middle with me

a new friend of mine wrote a book. and i ordered a copy, and he sent it to me with the inscription- "you are a beautiful human! Thank you for being alive. Best, xxxx.

that's nice. being called a beautiful human. and i do think the guy was really sincere. he's really not the type to write bullshit. but, i know there are people who would beg to differ with his opinion. i believe i would beg to differ.

because i really think that a beautiful human wouldn't think the really terrible things that i think quite often. a really beautiful human wouldn't hold bitter feelings in her heart about others.

but i guess, even so, it's very nice to be called a such a nice thing. especially when you've been told quite the otherwise.

so i suppose that the obvious is true that the truth of me is somewhere in the middle. between the two views. that's probably true for most people. that they live somewhere in between beautiful human and evil.

i think the thing that bugs me though is that the guy who bestowed me with beautiful human really doesn't know me and the person that bestowed me with evil, i thought really knew me. although i do realize now that he really never knew me at all. which i'm not sure- whether that hurts me more or makes me feel better. because if you follow that line of thinking, you have to conclude that he never really loved me either. only his image of me (before he morphed me to evil, that is.) but if he didn't really know me, he really never rejected me either. only what he thought of me.

oh anyway. i'm me. i'm in the middle. don't expect more. don't expect less.